


A Life in Your Shape

by depozyt



Series: Flash fics [2]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Beta Byun Baekhyun, CollegeAUChallenge, Drunken Confessions, Flash Fic, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mild Smut, Omega Kim Jongdae | Chen, Unhappy Ending, Unrequited Love, this is some sad bullshit ok, unrequited baekchen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:40:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24980947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/depozyt/pseuds/depozyt
Summary: “I’m not an alpha, Jongdae.”“But you’re the next best thing.”(Baekhyun’s a beta. Jongdae doesn’tlikebetas. )
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Kim Jongdae | Chen
Series: Flash fics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1915690
Comments: 24
Kudos: 64
Collections: Crescent Moon: Flash Fest Round 1





	A Life in Your Shape

**Author's Note:**

> written for the crescent moon flash fest
> 
> titled after "strawberry blonde" by mitski. i wrote this on a whim because betas rarely get the spotlight and i love angsty baekchen, ok? yeah, i don't have better reasons, i just like hurting myself
> 
> cw: alcohol, mild swearing, mild smut.

Even before it happens, Baekhyun knows their first kiss will be their last. It’s so obvious that Jongdae doesn’t love him back, so painfully clear, but Baekhyun clings to the smallest shard of hope with all he’s still got. Jongdae’s tipsy, his judgment clouded by the two glasses of wine—it’d be so easy to confess to him and blame it on the alcohol, or excuse it with an _Oh, I was just joking._

Baekhyun’s a beta—it’s this little fact that complicates everything. Jongdae doesn’t _like_ betas. Or maybe he does, he dated Yixing, and he’s a beta, but it doesn't mean he _likes_ Baekhyun. He's from a different world.

They’re friends, close friends even, but Baekhyun hopes for something more than a quick hug or Jongdae laying his head on his shoulder. He knows Jongdae doesn’t owe him affection, but it’s easy to fantasize, to pine after him despite knowing he will get rejected. Because why would such a beautiful omega want to be with him? 

“Dae,” Baekhyun begins as he puts down his glass, his textbooks still laying on the couch unopened—this was supposed to be a study session. “Dae, I need to tell you something.”

Jongdae’s face is flushed, and he’s checking his phone, not paying attention to Baekhyun or his notes. “What is it?” he looks up, a smile barely visible on his wine-stained lips. 

Baekhyun takes a deep breath. “I think I’m in love with you.”

There’s a beat of silence on Jongdae’s part like he doesn’t know what to say. “I know.” The smile disappears from his lips.

“And I know you don’t love me back,” Baekhyun says, trying to cover up his embarrassment. He knew it would happen, he felt it somewhere deep—but he’s still humiliated. “I wish you could feel the same way about me,” he adds, the words not wanting to come out of his mouth.

“But I don’t, Baek.”

“I know, Dae, but I can’t control my feelings." 

"It works both ways though. You're someone I wanted when I was younger—but not anymore. " He looks defeated—maybe even sorry. Baekhyun doesn’t want him to feel guilty, it’s not his fault. 

It’s no one’s fault and that’s what stings Baekhyun the most. His heart crumples into a ball. “What do you mean?”

“If we met a few years ago—god, you would have been a boy taken straight out of my daydreams.” Jongdae smiles again but it’s making him look sad—like he’s the one getting his heart broken. “But I’ve changed. I can’t promise you anything, Baek, I don’t want to get your hopes up...”

Baekhyun stands up from the couch and joins Jongdae on the floor. It’s such a strange feeling—wanting the ground to swallow you whole when the person you love the most in this world is sitting right beside you. “Could you kiss me? I want to know what it feels like.”

Jongdae cups his jaw, his fingers barely grazing Baekhyun’s skin. It burns, his touch burns and Baekhyun wants to flinch because he knows Jongdae doesn’t mean any of it, he’s doing it out of politeness. His lips are soft just like the way he kisses, with his mouth hardly touching Baekhyun’s. He draws the beta closer, tries to gently bite his bottom lip, but Baekhyun feels like he’s going to burst into tears.

“It’s alright,” he tells Jongdae, feeling his breath on his cheek. “I know it’s awkward for you. I’m sorry.”

“Baek…”

“Please, don’t call me that ever again.” 

***

Jongdae's in heat. Baekhyun must've triggered it a few days ago when they kissed. He isn't an alpha, but if Jongdae didn't take his suppressants in time… it's definitely Baekhyun's fault.

He feels like shit and wants to hide from everyone for the foreseeable future.

Baekhyun knows that throwing himself a pity party won't solve anything—it certainly won't help the omega. And so, he takes the necessities with him and walks to Jongdae's dorm. 

He'd never been scared to knock on the door, but now his lungs feel like lead, they're too heavy to take a deep breath. Jongdae's thick smell seeps through the cracks in the wood. It's making Baekhyun dizzy as it fills up his nose.

The door opens without him having done anything.

"I could smell you from the bathroom," Jongdae says, his hair is sticking to his forehead, and he looks like he couldn't sleep the whole night.

"Do you—do you have anyone to take care of you? I mean— _an alpha_?" Baekhyun asks as he goes to the small kitchen and tries not to look at Jongdae for the whole time. He starts taking out the groceries from his backpack to distract himself.

“Why do you think I called you?”

He takes a deep breath. “I’m not an alpha, Jongdae.” 

“But you’re the next best thing.”

Baekhyun feels like someone dropped his heart and soul from the tallest building in the city onto the cold pavement. He wants to laugh. “I assure you—I’m not. I won’t help you, I might even make it worse. You need an alpha,” he insists, biting his tongue and trying to stop himself from saying what he really means.

“You don’t have to kiss me,” Jongdae proposes. “You don’t have to touch me at all… Please, just make the ache go away—even for a few minutes.”

Nothing has ever made Baekhyun feel more _used_ , objectified—humiliated. Jongdae doesn’t care that he has feelings for him, it matters that he can lessen his heat. Baekhyun’s a temporary solution, a gauze put on a wound that needs stitches. “Alright,” he says.

Jongdae looks bewildered. “I thought you would decline.”

“No.” Baekhyun puts on a fake smile. "No, I can do that for you. But I have one rule—I don't want to see your face the entire time." It's the one thing he genuinely hates about himself, it's so easy for him to be cruel when he's hurt. 

Jongdae takes his hand and leads him to his bedroom, the sheets left in disarray on the bed. As promised, Baekhyun doesn’t kiss him on the lips, doesn’t touch him anywhere without a clear purpose, doesn’t show his feelings in any way. The sex is mechanical, their movements stifled and awkward the entire time.

Baekhyun takes off Jongdae’s underwear; he’s already wet, the slick visible on the material. He doesn’t even need to finger him for too long, he can just easily slip right in. As he's fucking Jongdae he keeps his hands on his hips, helping keep his ass up, just so there's no chance he sees his reaction. When he makes Jongdae come for the first time, Baekhyun wants to burst into tears.

Jongdae falls asleep in the early morning, his back still facing Baekhyun. He never asks Baekhyun to help him with his heat ever again.

***

It’s the beginning of the summer break, right after the finals, and Baekhyun’s slowly sipping a beer during a bonfire party. He can see Jongdae sitting across him, talking to a fellow omega. 

“Do you think I have a chance?” Minseok asks him as he points at Jongdae.

“You’re an alpha.” Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “You can always shoot your shot with Jongdae. He doesn’t like betas, that’s all I know.”

Minseok tiltes his head, his cat-like features illuminated by the fire. “Are you sure? You’re friends, right? Besides, I think he’s dated a few betas…”

Baekhyun chugs his beer. “Let’s put it another way—he doesn’t like _me_. Now go, stop annoying me,” he laughs bitterly. 

As he’s leaving the party a few hours later, Baekhyun notices Minseok and Jongdae making out next to the bonfire. 

And it’s a few weeks later when he has a chance to talk to Jongdae again. 

Baekhyun’s taking his morning jog, the sun still low in the sky, when he spots the omega next to his dorm. 

“Minseok could smell you on me,” he says instead of _Hello._

Baekhyun doesn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry? It wasn’t intentional?” _So they’re together._

Jongdae shakes his head. “Don’t worry—”

“You just wanted to tell me you’re a couple now, right? Jongdae, I’m fine,” he says, but he doesn’t feel fine—he wants to hide in his room and forget this conversation happened. “You don’t owe me shit,” Baekhyun can hear his voice shaking.

The omega looks beaten down, maybe he didn’t expect Baekhyun to react so harshly. “No, I don’t, that’s why I can’t understand why you’re such a dick right now.”

“And how you expect me to react? I didn’t mean to leave my scent on you, I know that I never had a chance—”

“Of course you did!” Jongdae screams. “You triggered my heat! I wanted you, Baek, I was wrong—I was so wrong.”

“But you don’t anymore, right?”

Jongdae nods.

Baekhyun knew their first kiss would be their last, but he never would’ve thought it would be his fault.

**Author's Note:**

> this was harder than i thought... honestly, this easily could've been a full-blown au if not for the word limit, huh.


End file.
